Proverbs 29:15. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Nobody likes to be disciplined. Nobody likes to suffer for their wrong doing. But today’s proverb isn’t just reminding us to accept discipline, it is reminding us to discipline…our children. Nobody likes that either.
God is telling us that parents must never leave their children to themselves. The words used here are those that describe a wandering animal that has been sent away by its owner. Now it is seeking shelter in the wilderness. Of course, no child thrives under the controlling and crushing hand of the autocratic parent. But just as dangerous is a parenting style that allows a child to do as they please with little to no input. Children can be abused actively or passively. Children need the rod and they need reproof.
Reproof: words. Rod: action. The Proverbs have had much to say about both of these already. Reproof is a pathway to life, and the rod drives away foolishness. Most importantly, God himself uses both the rod and reproof to discipline his children.
Proverbs 3:11-12. 11My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, 12for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
Some of you are reading this and shouting AMEN in your hearts. Others of you might be reading this and cringing inside. It all sounds so harsh. Surely I am not supposed to beat my child with a stick, am I? Isn’t “gentle parenting” the correct discipline style?
There’s much to love about gentle parenting. Understanding your child. Empathizing with them. Modeling reason. Regulating your own emotions. These are all good things. Things that we might even say that God does with us. But what gentle parenting fails to add to the equation is sin. Yes, sin. Sometimes children disobey not just from exhaustion, or from feeling overwhelmed, but because they simply want to disobey. They want to exert their power over a situation. They want autonomy. Independence. They know good and evil, or at least they think they do, but what mother calls evil her child calls good. What father calls good, his child calls evil.
Disciplining children requires great wisdom from God, and God’s word offers much freedom. The rod doesn’t have to be corporal punishment or spanking. But it should involve consequences for rebellion. Consequences that you control in a loving and safe environment so as to offer a path back “home,” and to help them avoid the natural consequences of their rebellion in the dangerous world in which they are growing up. A world that won’t care about those consequences, a world run by an Enemy that wants only to destroy them.
Yes, God is gentle. Yes, God is longsuffering. He is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He invites discussion – come let us reason together. But God is also realistic about our internal sin and the sinful world in which we live. In his love for us he will never ignore our rebellion. He will expose it, name it, and correct it. How? By allowing the pain of natural consequences, by offering the instruction of the gospel, and by providing the nurturing of the indwelling Christ’s love for us.
How do we know we are loved by God? That he lives in us? That we are his children? By his discipline. How will your child know your love and embrace their place in your family? By your discipline of them.
You: If you are a parent, what discipline style do you use?
You in Christ: How does God discipline you? Can you recognize it?
Christ in you: How can the love and discipline of Jesus be a model for your own parenting?
Pray: Father, I know your discipline flows from your love for me. Drive sin far away from my own heart so that I might discipline my children from a pure heart of mercy and yet instruction. Amen.
To Live is Christ 