Proverbs 25:20. Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.
A couple of days ago we talked about timely words. Good words that are spoken at just the right time are like apples of gold in settings of silver. Here, in Proverbs 25:20, we see an example of “untimely words” – singing songs to a heavy heart.
What should we do when a friend has a heavy heart? How should we respond to their sorrow? What is the best way to comfort the grieving? We might think that the best way is to sing songs to them. The idea here is that you are trying desperately to cheer them up. When a friend has a heavy heart, when they are sad or discouraged, we might think that the best thing we can do is try to counteract the sorrow. The truth is that making light of a situation in order to help our sorrowing friend to feel better is actually one of the worst things we can do. Like taking away their coat on a cold day, or pouring vinegar on soda (some translations say pouring vinegar on a sore).
Learning to be a good friend means learning to do what the Apostle Paul says in the book of Romans – weep with those who weep. Is your friend sad? Then be sad with them. Is your friend crying (weeping)? Then cry with them. Don’t try to cheer them up. Simply be with them. Listen to them. Empathize with them. Feel what they’re feeling.
This is exactly what Jesus did at the grave of Lazarus. Can you imagine Jesus walking into the home of Mary and Martha singing a song to cheer them up? Cracking jokes in order to make them smile. Not a chance. Jesus, came ready to receive their anger and join their sadness. Jesus wept at Lazarus’ grave. He cried out in anger.
When it comes to real empathy no one is more empathetic than Christ Jesus. In his union with us, he feels everything we feel. He is one spirit with us. The Man of Sorrows wants to join in our sorrows, not “get over it.” Yes, in Christ, there is a time for songs of joy. But not at the expense of deeply feeling our hurt and pain. As C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.”
The last thing the indwelling Christ wants is for us to miss the shouting of God.
Like Christ, we can meet others in their sadness. We don’t have to deflect pain away. We can enter into the sorrow filled lives of others just like our Savior did for all mankind. We can take up our cross and follow the way of Jesus. The way of sacrificial suffering, sustaining grace, and healing hope. When others can’t see the way out of the darkness, we can jump into the pit with them and show them the way out through Jesus and his love.
You: Are you uncomfortable around others’ sadness? How do you tend to respond to sorrow?
You in Christ: How does knowing that Christ has joined in our sorrow allow us to take this same role in another’s life?
Christ in you: Is there someone who is suffering today that you could sustain through your simple presence? Listening? Crying with them?
Pray: Father, you are the only empathetic God. Help me to be an understanding and empathetic friend like Christ in me. Amen.
To Live is Christ 