Proverbs 22:6. Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Many parents have read this proverb as a word from God promising that if they raise their children right, those children will stay on the right path. More specifically, if parents raise their children to be Christians, even if they go astray for a time, when they get older they will come back to Jesus. But that’s not exactly what this famous proverb is saying.
This proverb is making a very basic observation. The words train up mean to dedicate. It’s literally the same word Solomon used when he dedicated the Temple to God. The next words, in the way he should go, means “in his way.” So when we put it all together the proverb says something like this – “get a child started on his/her path, and when they are old, they will not depart from it.”
The intention of the proverb is not only a concern for the spiritual guidance of children, but for the overall life path of a child as they move into adulthood. Some see a shocking amount of individuality present in this proverb – in his way. In his individual way. Other’s see it as the duty of the parents to control the way of the child. The dedication of the child to God is impacted greatly by the dedication of the parents to God.
The meaning of the proverb is likely somewhere in the middle. Obviously there is a great responsibility that comes with raising a child. Paul tells us in Ephesians that parents must “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Bring them up. Actively. There is no passive parenting permitted in the scriptures. Children don’t naturally stumble into the fear of the Lord or the way of Christ. A parent must dedicate their child to that way. Parents who say, “I’m going to let my child decide what faith they will embrace for themselves” are fools. Children never figure out their path completely on their own. If you don’t bring up your child, someone else will. Trust me, the world is dedicated to giving your child a way he should go.
But remember parents, the proverbs aren’t promises. They are meant to be observations about something that generally holds true. It is generally true that a parent’s influence on a child is the greatest influence that child will have. It is generally true that how a child is raised will greatly impact the rest of their life. But the proverbs (and several stories in scripture) remind us that it is not just how a child is nurtured that impacts their life path, it is also the nature of the child. Godly parents can have children who leave the faith. Is this mom and dad’s fault? No. An adult child is responsible for their own choices. Sadly, many Christian parents that I know allow themselves to slip into one of two dangerous extremes. They either naively believe that their wayward child absolutely will return to the faith one day simply because of how they were raised, or they believe that their child’s prodigal life is their fault and they live in tremendous guilt.
Christ doesn’t want you to live in either of these extremes. He wants you to entrust your children, whatever their age or stage of spiritual growth, to him. Christ is dedicated to your child. Christ is the better older brother who didn’t stay home, but left heaven to pursue his brothers and sisters that have walked away from the Father. If your child is truly a Christian, Christ is at work. On that you can rely.
There are many things about your child’s life that you could influence in godly ways, and you did. But there are many things about your child that you cannot control – their nature and their choices. These must be left up to prayer. These must be left up to a Heavenly Father who loves our children more than we ever will.
You: Do you carry any guilt about how you raised your children?
You in Christ: How has Christ been using your relationship with your children to nurture YOUR spiritual growth?
Christ in you: Pray for your children. Make this a daily habit.
Pray: Father, thank you for never giving up on us. Help me to trust you with my kids’ hearts. Amen.
To Live is Christ 