Proverbs 20:3. It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.
You don’t have to be around young children for very long to realize that our default reaction is strife. The first toddler grabs the toy from the second toddler, who replies with a hearty, “Yes, please, you enjoy the toy now. May it bring you as much pleasure as it did me.”
Nope.
Strife. Strife is the built in response. Quarreling is the default. Along with crying, yelling, hitting, snatching, and of course the occasional biting.
What about you? Are you a quarreler? Do you seek and enjoy strife? Are you disagreeable, arguing every decision, every point? Do you pick fights? If you do, then you are dishonorable. We live in a culture of honor from strife. Whoever can win the argument, shout the loudest, belittle their opponent, embarrass their enemy in the courtroom of public opinion, he is the one considered more praiseworthy. You live in a world that teaches you to quarrel. To stand up for your rights. To defend yourself. To get what is yours. To protest everything. To seek vengeance over forgiveness.
As a result, many of us actually love to quarrel, thinking it a way to gain honor and respect. In ancient times, a good quarrel could bring honor if you were able to dishonor the other person. This is why so many of the religious leaders picked fights with Jesus. There were no innocent questions posed to Christ publicly, only pre-planned attempts to dishonor him with religious riddles. Not much has changed today has it (especially in the realm of politics and social media)?
The book of James takes us even deeper into our motivation for quarreling. He says that we quarrel because of the selfish demands we place upon others. We expect from others what only God himself can give. We “have not because we ask not” is the diagnosis. And so we fight, “murder,” and quarrel with one another to gain what we cannot give ourselves, failing to see that Jesus has already given it to us in his indwelling life.
For example, when we feel disrespected by someone we are likely to try to disrespect them in return. Insults. Verbal barbs. Defensiveness. What is the cure? What avoids strife? Recalling the respect that Christ has for you. The love of God that would send Christ to a cross for you. The honor of being his child forevermore.
Strife and quarreling are our natural responses in the flesh. Only by the super-natural can we keep aloof from strife. Only by our complete trust in our union with Christ can we begin to overcome the deep seated desire for conflict that we all allow to burst out on an almost daily basis. Only by the Spirit can we refuse to devour one another and rather choose to turn the other cheek.
When Christ is your defender, you don’t need to defend yourself. When Jesus is your honor, you don’t need to dishonor others. When the Father is your hope, you don’t need to place your hope in winning arguments. When all things are yours, what is there to fight about?
You: Are you a quarreler? Maybe ask someone else who knows you well.
You in Christ: How does knowing that Christ is in you forever allow you to avoid strife?
Christ in you: Make a grace-filled effort to avoid strife today. At the end of the day evaluate your efforts. Were you able to avoid quarrels and arguments? How? Was it from faith?
Pray: Jesus, you are my savior, my defender, my co-heir. Help me to trust that all is mine in you when everything inside me wants to fight and quarrel to protect my domain. Amen.
To Live is Christ 