Proverbs 29:11. A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Have you ever heard somebody say, “I just needed to vent,” after they yelled or complained about something? Are you a venter? Do you indiscriminately let your feelings out, maybe through yelling, arguing, complaining, gossiping? Do you live without a filter around certain people? Or, have you learned to quietly hold back your feelings? Today’s proverb warns against this. The fool gives full vent to his spirit.
We live in a world where venting is encouraged. It is considered being true to who you are. But there are some very real problems with venting. First, venting is usually done without there having been much thinking or listening first. Consequently, we might be frustrated about something that isn’t even completely true.
Second, venting hurts others. It might make you feel good for a minute, but what you say and do in a single moment of venting can hurt another person’s feelings for a long time.
Third, venting hurts you. When we vent without any kind of self-control, when we “let off steam,” we are allowing ourselves to form a bad habit. One that might make others stop trusting us, and one that might cause us to lose our testimony for Christ.
There is a better way to deal with strong emotion rather than venting it. The second line of our proverb literally says, “a wise man, holding it (his spirit) back, quiets it.” What does it mean to hold back our spirit, or our emotion? Is the Bible teaching us to stuff down our feelings? Not at all. But what it is telling us is that there is a third option for working out our emotions that doesn’t include venting or stuffing.
Here’s where we are so grateful for the psalms. The psalms are our textbook for how to healthily deal with our strong feelings. What does the psalmist do with his emotions? Look at this example from Psalm 42:
Psalm 42:11. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
1. He names his emotions. He is self-aware enough to be able to differentiate his feelings: cast down, turmoil.
2. He uses self-talk: He talks to his own soul, even questioning his feelings and their validity: Why are you cast down, O my soul?
3. He uses God-talk: the psalmist will either talk directly to God, or he will talk about God to himself, recounting God’s character and promises: Hope in God…my salvation and my God.
In Christ, we can follow this same process, and with even more confidence in God, for we have seen the fulfillment of all God’s promises in Jesus and in our union with him. The Spirit living in us can hold back our spirit, for they are joined together crying Abba, Father. Christ in us can quiet our restless hearts just as he did the stormy sea.
Can and should we share our strong emotion with others? Yes. But only after we have named our emotions, talked to ourselves about them, and talked to God about them. Then, what we share won’t just be dangerous venting, but instructional, helpful, and hopeful in Jesus.
You: Do you vent your emotions? Where? When? To whom?
You in Christ: How does union with Christ allow us to vent to God first, before sharing with others?
Christ in you: Practice the three steps above: name your feelings, use self-talk, use God-talk. Let Christ and his love guide you.
Pray: Father, let me always turn to you with my emotions before others. Amen.
To Live is Christ 