Proverbs 25:9. Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret,
Jesus taught us the same principle in Matthew 18. In fact, it is often called the Matthew 18 Principle.
Matthew 18:15. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Many of us have no idea how to deal with interpersonal conflict. Maybe we never learned how. Possibly we saw very bad examples of conflict resolution (or lack thereof) growing up. Added to this is our own fleshly response to conflict. Shame. Defensiveness. Blaming. Backbiting. Arguing. Avoidance.
Just like in the proverb, Jesus told us that when we have been offended by our neighbor (brother) we are to go directly to them to talk about it. Sadly, we tend to do the exact opposite, don’t we? We take our offenses to others first. We vent in our small groups at church. We gossip over coffee. We project our frustration with people onto others. We avoid the person who has offended us. Stop going to church. We might even post our offense on social media for the whole internet to see. We literally do everything except what Proverbs and Jesus tells us to do.
Learning how to deal with conflict is one of the most important things you can learn in Christ. It’s also one of the most difficult. It requires great wisdom. For one thing, many of us are far too easily offended. We feel like almost everything is a sin against us. The Proverbs say and the Apostles repeated that “love covers a multitude of sins,” and “it is glorious to cover over an offense.” Are you able to do this? Are you able to let the little things go? Do you have enough grace stored up in your heart to be understanding and forgiving when others offend you in small ways? Imagine if God was punishing each and every single one of your sins, even the “small” ones? And yet we hold grudges over the most insignificant things, don’t we?
Of course there are times when the offense we suffer is far more significant. Jesus calls this being sinned against. Clearly Jesus is referring to something more harmful to our well-being. But notice what Jesus doesn’t say. He doesn’t say that we have to be offended. In Christ we don’t have to take up a personal offense, even when we are sinned against. When you know that you have all that is Christ’s we can look at a person’s sin against us as a sin against God. Think of Christ on the cross. He didn’t say “I forgive you,” to his executioners. He said, “Father forgive them.” Their sin against Christ was a sin against God.
When others sin against you do you primarily see it as an offense against God, or do you deeply personalize everything? When we can see our position in Christ, our need to personalize everything diminishes. Instead, we can see that our offender is in need of restoration to us, not for our sake, but for the sake of their relationship to God. That’s why we take our argument to them. That’s why we tell him his fault privately. Not so that we can win our case, but so that we can win our brother back to the Lord and to ourselves.
You: How do you tend to deal with conflict? Avoidance? Argument?
You in Christ: How does our reconciliation with God through Christ allow us to reconcile with others?
Christ in you: Is there anyone you need to go to that has sinned against you? Wat should your motivation be? What is the motivation of Christ in you?
Pray: Father, by your grace, help me to overlook small offenses and confront larger offenses, not for my own good but for the good of my offender? Amen.
To Live is Christ 