Proverbs 21:9. It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
Isolated living is superior to contentious living. Nobody wants to live with a quarrelsome person. This includes a husband who is married to a nagging wife. There may be some degree of levity in the proverb, but the idea of moving to the roof was not a crazy one, especially since building an extra room on the flat roof of a home was a pretty common occurrence back then.
Proverbs has already introduced us to the quarrelsome wife back in chapter 19.
Proverbs 19:13. a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.
A nagging wife is like a leaky roof. Drip, drip, drip. Her bickering slowly kills her husband’s soul.
Proverbs 21:19 will take the husband even further away from his combative wife.
Proverbs 21:19. It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.
I guess the roof wasn’t far enough removed. This poor husband had to pack up his things and move out to the wilderness to find peace from her fretful, vexing, nagging.
A marriage is meant to be a safe place, a shelter from the storms of life. Here in these proverbs the spouse IS the storm. A storm of constant criticism. You never…. You always….
Coming home to each other should feel like walking into the arms of Jesus himself. Not the Enemy’s attacks and accusations. A marriage is not a competition, nor is it a courtroom. If you are married, has your marriage become avoidance over connection? Isolation over intimacy? Blaming over forgiving? Nagging over nurturing?
If so, remember Christ. Remember Christ who entered the desert land for us, his fretful bride. In the desert, Jesus was tempted to turn his life over to the Evil One, but with great faith he resisted that temptation and stayed faithful to his cause – redeeming his quarrelsome wife, the church.
These proverbs are not a license for a husband to flee a stressful marriage. They are not permission for us to walk away from those who are difficult to live with. Christ in you will never leave you or forsake you. In fact, Jesus will take you into the desert with him. And there he will woo you with tender words until you learn to trust him again.
Hosea 2:14 Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.
Allure, don’t abandon. Bring with, don’t leave behind. Speak tenderly, not threateningly. This is how Christ responds to your incessant faithlessness. In him, we can respond from his same love. His same grace. His same tenderness. His same faith.
You: Are you living with any difficult people? Or are you the difficult person?
You in Christ: How does knowing that we have the same love as Christ allow us to stop quarreling with one another and stop avoiding one another?
Christ in you: How can Christ in you empower you to both acknowledge your desert, while also taking your spouse into the desert with you to speak tenderly to her/him?
Pray: Father, you have made my marriage to be a safe and peaceful place. I confess that I have not always allowed it to be that kind of space for my spouse. Take me into the desert again and allure me so that I may be less needy when it comes to my marriage, relying on you instead. Amen.
To Live is Christ 