Proverbs 18:19. A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
Good friends are a gift from God. They should never be taken for granted, instead they should be treasured. That is why it is so important to not offend our friends (Note: the word brother in this proverb means friend, not a relative).
Solomon is reminding his own children that once a person has been offended, it is very difficult to fix the friendship. Even after a sincere apology feelings stay hurt. Fixing a broken friendship is like trying to conquer a walled city, which back then might take months or even years.
Presented as an even worse scenario is two friends who quarrel. They just argue all the time. Eventually we all know what will happen. A line gets crossed and someone says something that does irreparable damage to the relationship. Fixing this is the same as trying to break into a bolted gate at a fortress or castle.
So is there any hope for two friends who quarrel, argue and hurt each other’s feelings? Yes, of course, in Jesus there is always hope. But it takes some honest introspection, doesn’t it?
James addresses quarreling church member with these words:
James 4:1-3. 1What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
Fights and quarrels are caused, not just by the other person, but by the desires in our own hearts. The passions at war IN us. Not outside of us. We want from others what we should only require of God himself. The only reasons we don’t have everything we need, is because we don’t ask God.
Before there can be any sort of reconciliation, there must be a change in desire, in passions, that only Christ can bring. He alone offers us all that our heart desires. He alone satisfies our warring passions within. We must first be reconciled to truth of his fullness in us, before we can begin to release our friends from the burden of being our everything.
When we remember how much we are loved by Christ, how much he gives us through our union with him, then we are able to do the long and hard work of restoring our friendships.
You: Are you actively quarreling with anyone? Holding any grudges?
You in Christ: How does meditating on your union with Christ allow him to satisfy your passions and desires?
Christ in you: What step can you take today to tear down a wall between yourself and someone who has offended you, or that you have offended?
Pray: Father, you have given me the Spirit of Christ to satisfy my soul’s longings. Help me to release others of this responsibility by your grace. Amen.
To Live is Christ 