Proverbs 18:17. The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.
I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of courtroom dramas over the years. What usually happens in these movies and shows is exactly what today’s proverb is saying. Someone always seems right until they are cross examined, or until another person gives a different side of the story. In fact, this is what a good legal system does, it gives both sides a chance to state their case.
This proverb isn’t just about courtrooms and legal matters is it? No, it’s about you and me and our daily lives and relationships. This is the third proverb in this chapter that warns against forming opinions too quickly, especially without hearing both sides. This is such an important principle for leadership too. The teacher, or manager, or parent who only listens to one side of a story will inevitably become an unjust leader. Or just think about your friendships. Do you listen to gossip without hearing what the subject of that gossip has to say? Do you form judgments about others based off of hearing one person’s story?
There are also applications here not only for justice but for compassion and care. For discipleship and spiritual friendship. When a person has been hurt or offended they often speak “truth” but only their perspective. I don’t mean that they are lying intentionally, but they are naturally telling their side of a story as they remember it – something that is rarely the full truth. The spiritual friend has to be able to gently ask questions and examine the story in order to help the person being cared for to see the truth. What actually happened? What gaps in the story or in the other person’s motivations are we simply filling in with our guesses and opinions?
It is important to acknowledge the offended person’s pain. To sustain them in their hurt and grief. Then it is also important to guide them into truth and grace. Often, as spiritual friends, we try to take the quick and easy path. We either dismiss what the suffering person is saying, telling them to move one, get over it, don’t worry about it. Or, we go to the other extreme and accept only what they are saying without helping them to evaluate their own bias or fault in the situation.
All of this, of course, takes great wisdom and great practice. And it takes great love.
Love listens to both sides. Love takes the time to find out what happened. Love gives an equal chance for both sides to speak and explain, not just the person that we are closest to. Jesus never blindly listened to one side. He never blindly accepted what a person told him. He listened, but he listened with love enough to examine, not just the situation, but also the hearts of those involved.
In Christ we too can do this loving work of justice and care, this work of examining hearts and gently helping others to land on truth and grace.
Ephesians 4:14-16. 14that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
You: Do you tend to form judgments without examining situations and hearts first?
You in Christ: How does knowing that we are in Christ allow us to not take sides, accept the side of truth and love?
Christ in you: Is there a spiritual friend that you can listen to today? How can you help them to see the truth in love?
Pray: Father, expose the truth to me, and help me to gracefully expose truth to others. Amen.
To Live is Christ 