Proverbs 17:14. The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.
Yesterday we learned that a good friend will forgive and “cover up” an offense. They don’t repeat things to others or gossip. In today’s proverb Solomon gives us another lesson in how to be a good friend – quit before the quarrel breaks out.
What every wise person knows is that strife (fighting, arguments, conflict) starts small and grows larger and larger. Today’s proverb says it is like letting water out. The small leak gets bigger and bigger. Soon the water is gushing out and flooding everything. Our conflicts are the same way aren’t they? What begins as small drips, little comments, sarcastic jokes, ignoring each other, the silent treatment, soon turns into gushing arguments and insults and maybe even physical violence.
Has this ever happened in your house? With your friends? Co-workers?
All of this comes from our pride which keeps us from being able to walk away when we feel offended or hurt. No one wants to be the first to quit when things are escalating. That only makes us look weak.
James takes us even deeper into our understanding of why we fight and quarrel. Listen to how he explains the inner dynamic here:
James 4:1-2. 1What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.
How do we plug the leaks in our hearts that lead to quarrels and fights? How do we quit before the quarrel breaks out? First, by being able to recognize our own desires. The passions at war within us. Every argument begins as a desire that is not being fulfilled – You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. Second, and most importantly, we must take every desire to the Father through Christ – You do not have because you do not ask.
Every quarrel with another person flows from a mistrust of God and his goodness.
How can we walk away from fights and quarrels? How can we quit before things get out of hand? Only by walking TO our Heavenly Father for his recognition and understanding of what we both want and need. Only by trusting that to live is Christ. That in Jesus we have all our desires met and then some. We only think we have not. Yes, it might be true that we aren’t getting the love or respect that we crave from that other person, the one we want so desperately to gush all our disappointments at and attack for their failure to meet our “needs.” But in Christ we have the one who knows all we want and satisfies all we need.
So walk away. Hold your tongue. Do everything possible to avoid a fight. This might seem like weakness, but it takes great strength to NOT fight and argue. The strength of Christ in you.
You: Are you able to quit before the quarrel breaks out, or do you like to pick fights?
You in Christ: How does our union with Christ give us the power we need to avoid arguments, quarrels, and fights?
Christ in you: You have not because you ask not. How can you allow Christ to satisfy your desires today so that you don’t have to get frustrated with others when they fail?
Pray: Father, you have met all my desires in Christ. Help me to run to you for soul satisfaction rather than running after others in frustration and blame. Amen.
To Live is Christ 